A Sense of Belonging

I was writing recently on the “meaning of life” (Yes, again . . . or maybe even still.) and I am referring here to some overarching meaning of life in general, not about bringing meaning into your life or creating meanings and purposes.

My opinion is that there is no such thing, and only theists promote it (or rather hijacked the concept) as something only their god can provide us. (It makes sense that imaginary gods bring imaginary benefits.)

I have suggested that there are a great many things people want ahead of learning what this mystical meaning of life is, one of which I suggested was acceptance by one’s fellows. Since then I have been thinking (on and off, not full time) about a sense of belonging.

I remember as a child I was something of a show-off, my most common utterance when on vacation was “Hey, mom, look at me!” In retrospect, most people as children seem to want to be seen, recognized, accepted, etc. But when we grow up, that desire fades a great deal at least as an overt display.

I remember reading a poll that listed “public speaking” as one of the greatest fears of people in society, it just barely edged out “appearing nude at an airport.” (Okay, I made up that joke decades ago and haven’t used it in a while and, well, use it to lose it is my watch phrase.)

So, what happened to all of those kids? I think society happened. As a social species and all that underlies them, such as there is safety in numbers, et. al., there is pressure, often terrific pressure, to conform. Basically we are on display and we want to display that we belong. So, we wear similar clothes, we eat the same foods, we go to the same churches, we talk the same way, and so on. When addressing “others” people often point to things like “they look funny,” or “they all look alike, I can’t tell them apart,” and even to “they smell funny.” Others are not trying to “belong” to our group and so dress differently, eat different foods (and so smell different), and so on. When “foreigners” want to fit in they adopt local dress, local foods, learn the language, etc. At the same time, at home, they try to retain a sense of belonging to the social group they left, but out in society the message was conform, conform, conform.

And this isn’t just white people prejudices. In the past, I don’t know about now, the Japanese sneered at Koreans as being uncouth and being “garlic eaters.” Of course, barbarians are just folks who do not speak your language.

So, as society molds us, we adapt by trying not to stand out, we want to “fit in,” and be accepted as “one of us.”

So, what does this all mean? Damned if I know. Meanings are things that humans identify, recognize, etc. If all of the human beings were to magically disappear, so would all meanings and purposes. They only exist in the minds of humans. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have power.

I have said often enough that meanings and purposes are things we create or adopt (if offered to be shared by others) to give direction to our lives, to create order in our lives. And if those are shared, well, they fit into our sense of belonging, too.

Safety in numbers, baby, safety in numbers.