Uncommon Sense

May 24, 2022

Solutions to Republicans Concerns

Filed under: Culture,Politics — Steve Ruis @ 1:05 pm
Tags: ,

Instead of sweeping their problems under a rug, solutions to the societal ills claimed by Republicans don’t seem to be so difficult, but I guess that they have given up on trying to solve problems. Maybe this will get them started again.

Critical Race Theory
For parents concerned with critical race theory distorting their children’s sense of patriotism, well CRT is only taught in law schools, so—Solution: Don’t send your child to law school.

Voter Fraud
For GOPers worried about the effects of voter fraud, the usual solutions are available—Solution: make voter fraud a capital crime subject to the death penalty. Since GOPers think the death penalty is a deterrent to crime, that should about reduced voter fraud to a small enough size that it can be drowned in a bathtub.

The Great Replacement Theory
This “theory” asserts that the Democrat Party is working assiduously to replace white voters with black and brown voters. The solution is obvious—Solution: Most corporations are run by old white guys who are typically Republicans. To make yourself irreplaceable, you just have to please your corporate bosses. They have a long history of avoiding hiring black and brown employees, plus why would people trained as field hands be comfortable in a corporate environment anyway?

Abortion
Clearly abortion is just murder under a different name and contraception is second-hand murder, but there is a solution well within the grasp of any GOP member—Solution: Stop having sex. No sex, no pregnancies. No pregnancies, no abortions. This is absolutely foolproof.

If that is not acceptable, then legalize abortion, but only for black and brown mothers. The banning of abortions largely results in more black and brown babies, so this must be reversed. Contraception for black and brown people must also be kept legal, maybe even made mandatory.

The War on Christianity
It is also clear that Christianity is under attack. Some solidarity is needed. Even though Catholics are not True Christians™, they are tolerable in the form of Supreme Court Justices who vote the evangelical line. Solution: Then above and beyond that, all atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, etc. must surrender their rights as citizens. Clearly they are un-American and form a threat to American Democracy. At best they should be tolerated as legal aliens (with no voting rights, of course).

Prayer in Schools
You will be shocked at how easy this problem is to solve! Solution: train Christian children to go to school and pray silently. Soon, the schools will be brimming with prayers. We can do the same for all local meetings of town councils and school boards, etc. Christians just need to show up and pray silently. The Lord will hear your prayers and overrule the Libtards!

Socialism
This solution may be a tough pill to swallow but it is clear that—Solution: All forms of socialism need to be banned. Social security, gone. The post office, gone. The fire departments, gone (except the for profit ones, of course). Charity hospitals, gone. The military, all branches, gone. Public schools? Way gone! These changes must be implemented as soon as we construct replacements for these programs that are capitalistic.

Feminism
This has gotten out of hand. Women don’t know their place anymore and it is creating anxiety. Solution: All women need to ask the man closest to them in their life for guidance. The men so asked, need to consult the Holy Bible (King James version, none of those false ones) and then make up the rest.

Morality
Since it is a well known fact that only Christians are moral (all the other religions can’t consult Jesus), all moral discussions must be centered upon Christian morality, and as soon as we can find a clear statement about what that is, we’ll be good to go.

Sex Education
This should be a graduate level university course (not taught in puny colleges), open only to Ph.D. candidates in the appropriate fields, of which currently there are none. Ignorance was good enough for our grandparents and parents, it should be good enough for us. You don’t see a shortage of people around now, do you?

Same-Sex Marriage
Since this is officially an abomination, mentions of it should only show up in the penal codes.

Bi-racial Marriage
Since this is officially an abomination, mentions of it should only show up in the penal codes. Exceptions will be made for Supreme Court Justices who will be grandfathered in.

Transgender Rights
Since God, He made them male and female in his own likeness (why god is such a strange dude is part of the mystery) there should be no such special treatment for people who are confused about their gender. Do we give special rights to people who were confused about high school algebra? No. So, same here.

Creationism/Evolution
We are not sure the controversy needs be taught. Creationism covers all of the bases so we see no need to include evolution, the fact or the theory.

School Choice
Vouchers and charter schools, especially if they aren’t run under government interference, are sure to be superior to the government schools we are now burdened with. If you can’t make a profit at something, then it is un-American, in this case Socialism! Extracting profits from school budgets just has to make them better! (Has to, has to, has to. . . .)

Drugs
We need to double down on the War on Drugs, except those that are making fortunes for Big Pharma, of course. If we included those all of their donations to the GOP would dry up. Same for all of those donations from the private prisons we have been locking up those weed-smoking drug fiends for the last twenty years. Try to be sensible in discussing this emotional topic.

There, all solved. Wasn’t that simple?

6 Comments »

  1. That’s funny, I thought the solution to R problems was to just get rid of R’s 😉

    Nice post 🙂

    On another note, what the hell was that ^^^^^^?

    Like

    Comment by shelldigger — May 24, 2022 @ 2:24 pm | Reply

    • Damn, I hadn’t thought of that. Don’t dismiss the problems, dismiss the R’s! Brilliant!

      And I don’t know what “. . . what the hell was that ^^^^^^?” refers to.

      Like

      Comment by Steve Ruis — May 24, 2022 @ 9:51 pm | Reply

      • There was a huge spammy comment there when I got here. I don’t see it now 😉

        Like

        Comment by shelldigger — May 25, 2022 @ 8:03 am | Reply

        • Ah, I wonder . . . probably withdrawn by the poster. Thanks for the heads up!

          Like

          Comment by Steve Ruis — May 25, 2022 @ 9:51 am | Reply

  2. You know you’re skirting a very thin line between parody and truth 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by john zande — May 25, 2022 @ 10:12 am | Reply

    • Getting good, am I? :o)

      Good parodies have to be believable and with the GOP Crazies running the shit show, we have quite a wide range to aim at.

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Steve Ruis — May 25, 2022 @ 10:17 am | Reply


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