Class Warfare Blog

July 26, 2016

Why Does God Need Helpers?

Filed under: Religion — Steve Ruis @ 11:02 am
Tags: , , ,

According to Christian scriptures, their god has a great many helpers. With a little help from the Internet (especially howstuffworks.com for the descriptions of the various kinds of angels) I have found the following about God’s minions. Most are called “angels” which stems from the Greek word for “messenger” as does the Hebrew analogous word mal’ak.

How Many Angels Are There?
According to Revelation 5:11, there are many: “ten thousand times ten thousand” which gives a number around 100 million. Apparently many hands make light work. Actually since two thirds of the globe’s people believe in the same god, you would have to add 4-5 billion more to that number, just to account for all of the guardian angels.

Are There Different Kinds?
Many sources indicate there are nine kinds but I have found 10, namely:

Seraphim
These are the angels who are closest to God. They encircle his throne and emit an intense fiery light representing his love. Seraphim are considered “fiery serpents” and not even the other divine beings may look at them. There are only four of them and each has four faces and six wings. When they come to Earth, they leave their serpent appearance behind, preferring tall, thin, clean-cut human embodiments.
Cherubim (Cherubs)
These angels are the keepers of celestial records and hold the knowledge of God. They are sent to Earth with great tasks, such as guarding the Garden of Eden from the re-entry of humans after Adam and Eve got evicted. Ancient art depicts cherubim as sphinx-like, winged creatures with human faces, not the fat babies with wings that now grace greeting cards and book covers. Ophaniel, Rikbiel, and Zophiel are cherubim, as was Satan before his fall to evil.
Thrones
Thrones’ appearance is perhaps the most bizarre. They are said to look like great glowing wheels covered with many eyes. They serve as God’s chariot and dispense his judgment in order to carry out his desires for us. The angels in the second choir can exist in a state of transition between the celestial and human worlds. They are considered heavenly governors, attempting to strike a balance between matter and spirit, good and bad.
Dominions/Dominations
Dominions receive orders from seraphim and cherubim, then dish out duties to the more mundane angels of the lower orders. Their main purpose is to make sure that the cosmos remains in order by sending down power to heads of government and other authority figures. Zadkiel (sometimes called Hashmal) is the chief of this order.
Virtues
Shaped like sparks of light, virtues are in charge of maintaining the natural world, and they inspire living things in areas such as science. They also take orders from the angels above and convert them into miracles for the deserving. When they make themselves known to us in their earthly form, they are musicians, artists, healers, and scientists who work with the power of love, as well as physics. The two angels at the ascension of Jesus are believed to have been virtues.
Powers
In their celestial form, powers appear like brightly colored, hazy fumes. Powers are border patrol agents between heaven and Earth. They are the angels of birth and death. Some believe that they also preside over demons who wish to overthrow the world, while others, namely St. Paul, thought the powers themselves were the evil ones. In any case, powers are a group of experts who serve as advisers in terms of religion, theology, and ideology.
Principalities
These angelic beings are shaped like rays of light. Just like a principal in school, it’s the principalities who oversee everything. They guide our entire world – nations, cities, and towns. What’s more, they are in charge of religion and politics. They are also in charge of managing the earthly duties of the angels below them. Busy, busy, busy.
Archangels
They, along with the angels, are guardians of people and all things physical. But don’t call on them to help you personally; archangels respond best when dealing with matters involving all humankind. They are the first order of angels that appear only in human form. As such, they function among us as pioneers for change in the form of explorers, philosophers, and human rights leaders. This order is most commonly known because they are mentioned by name in the Bible — Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael.
Guardian Angels
Angels are the true intermediaries between God and individual people. Angels don’t watch over nations; they safeguard households and individuals who believe in God and keep them safe from demons. They nurture, counsel, and heal. We all have a “personal angel,” better known as our guardian angel, with us daily.
Demons
Demons are referred to as angels gone bad … time and time again, so they constitute another category.

What are Their Job Descriptions?
They can be inferred to be:
Executioners
Care Givers for Believers as They Die
Answerers of Prayers
The Agency of Strengthening and Encouraging Believers
Deliverers (Helping Believers Escape Dire Straits)
Protectors
Providers of Victuals, etc.
… But Their Primary Role is to Worship and Praise God (of course)

Questions, Questions, Questions

  1. Why does an all-powerful, all-knowing, able to create a universe with a single thought god have a need for helpers? Is it because there is something they can do what he cannot?
  2. Is there any greater evidence that these writings were created by the minds of men? Either they misunderstood the powers of their god (sheesh, he created light an darkness, for Pete’s sake), or they felt that to accomplish all of what he did, he needed to have help, as any mortal would. They also created a hierarchy of angels with authority ladders, etc, which may be needed by humans but would not be needed by a god who already knows what is going to happen and can talk to anyone or any angel in their head.
  3. Since scripture indicates angels aren’t born, nor do they die, where did the additional 4-5 billion guardian angels come from to handle the load now that the global population has swelled from a few hundred million in biblical times to the 7.4 billion now (two thirds of whom believe in this same god). Were they sitting around twiddling their thumbs waiting for an assignment? In the book of Genesis, God is indicating that he created Adam to tend his garden. Couldn’t he have used a team of those unemployed guardian angels?
  4. Feel free to add to this list.
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31 Comments »

  1. Your writing helps keep me sane … makes you kinda like my angel😊

    Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 11:16 am | Reply

    • Demon! Angels gone bad are called demons! ;o)

      On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 11:16 AM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 11:59 am | Reply

  2. 5. If the god, God, had already created angels, why on earth create humans?

    Comment by john zande — July 26, 2016 @ 11:50 am | Reply

    • Especially when he only needed a gardener! Hey, does this mean Adam was the first Mexican? Or maybe Honduran or Japanese; they have reputations for being great gardeners!

      On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 11:50 AM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 11:57 am | Reply

      • For the benefit of King Donald let’s call him a Mexican and build a wall!

        Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:00 pm | Reply

        • Well there must have been a wall around the Garden as a couple of Cherubim and a flaming sword were posted at the entrance to keep the riff-raff out. And if there is an entrance, it must be to a place that isn’t otherwise open, no?

          But that;s crazy! He built a wall and then created Mexicans inside of it! Someone call Trump!

          On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:00 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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          Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

    • Well, if the George Burns (God in ‘Oh God’) assertion that the avocado pit was a mistake, perhaps we need to add angels and or humans to the list. Certainly, not programming out any inclination toward religion was a serious fuck up!

      Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 11:58 am | Reply

      • That’s it, blame the help! If it isn’t the “computer’s fault” its the software’s!

        On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 11:58 AM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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        Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:00 pm | Reply

    • The more I think about this, your #5 is very good. He has these millions of minions with superpowers, why create a mud beast? Awesome!

      On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 11:50 AM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 11:58 am | Reply

      • Exactly. AND, don’t forget, Lucifer had already fallen before man was created, so Yhwh actually cast man into an already failed creation. That’s just nasty.

        Comment by john zande — July 26, 2016 @ 12:00 pm | Reply

        • And, man, did Lucifer get a bad rap. “Satan” is only mentioned three times in the OT, yet he is now the cause of all ills, all evil, all anything we do not like.

          Dude doesn’t deserve it.

          On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:00 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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          Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:02 pm | Reply

          • Always ben rather fond of the Fallen ones!

            Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

            • Especially the women … heh, heh, heh? Sorry, a joke in poor taste.

              On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:04 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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              Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:09 pm | Reply

              • Not really … being politically here is just too jarring a contradiction!

                Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:15 pm | Reply

                • Oops … ‘Politically correct’

                  Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:18 pm | Reply

                  • I got it, you don’t think after teaching for 40 years that I am fluent in Typo?

                    On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:18 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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                    Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:34 pm | Reply

        • Makes god such a nice guy!

          Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:03 pm | Reply

          • God is perfectly good. Ask all of the millions of people he drowned, had slain, had their brains bashed in, caused them to die from plague, sold into slavery, and were given to his “soldiers” as sex slaves. They will tell you the God is perfectly good. In fact, he is the definition of goodness. Oh, and after the wars of extermination he was declared the Prince of Peace … apparently because there were no more of those noisy Amalekites (sp?).

            On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:03 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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            Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:09 pm | Reply

            • Yes!!! That’s the good guy I’m talking about!

              Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:17 pm | Reply

          • Someone you really want to work for 😉

            Comment by john zande — July 26, 2016 @ 12:47 pm | Reply

            • Typical American employer. Party like it is the 1990’s, keep the money and give to the top guys and whine about how much in taxes they have to pay. Based upon biblical principles they are.

              On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:47 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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              Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:51 pm | Reply

  3. On job descriptions … you forgot one: sanitized models for all religious art … wouldn’t want those lascivious humans giving erections to popes in the vatican.

    Comment by Zachary — July 26, 2016 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

    • Oh, they painted over those stiff little peckers on Cherubs, too. These are the people who added a “loincloth” to a magnificent statue of Jesus made by Michelangelo. Shouldn’t God’s pecker be perfect and in further need of no other adornment? Who can find shame in god’s pecker, really?” Weren’t we made in his image? Apparently the gay Bishops of the Catholic Church could. Probably made them think about what they really wanted for dessert that night.

      On Tue, Jul 26, 2016 at 12:22 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 26, 2016 @ 12:38 pm | Reply

  4. Based on how ineffective guardian angels are, I wouldn’t think that there is a unique guardian angel for each believer. I imagine it’s more like each guardian angel is assigned to work on a 1000 or more cases and not able to actually work on any of them.

    Comment by List of X — July 27, 2016 @ 12:57 pm | Reply

    • Sort of the Heavenly Public Defenders Office then?

      On Wed, Jul 27, 2016 at 12:57 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 27, 2016 @ 1:35 pm | Reply

  5. Ahhhh … the glory of imagination. Mary, Jesus, and God to pray to … and a multitude of angels to watch over us. How did we get so lucky?

    Comment by Nan — July 27, 2016 @ 3:16 pm | Reply

    • How did we get up to our asses in supernatural beings? well, they weigh nothing and are created through imagination, so there is no cost to their creation. It is fun and easy! Create your own supernatural entity now! (I call mine Bruce.)

      On Wed, Jul 27, 2016 at 3:16 PM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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      Comment by Steve Ruis — July 28, 2016 @ 8:33 am | Reply

      • Careful. Now you’re beginning to sound like some of the spiritualists who name the “entities” they communicate with in the spiritual world. I’m thinking of Abraham of Abraham-Hicks in particular.

        Comment by Nan — July 28, 2016 @ 11:04 am | Reply

        • The only channeling I do is on YouTube.

          On Thu, Jul 28, 2016 at 11:05 AM, Class Warfare Blog wrote:

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          Comment by Steve Ruis — July 28, 2016 @ 1:05 pm | Reply

  6. God doesn’t need help. Human beings do.

    Comment by Cheryl Petersen — September 7, 2016 @ 2:29 pm | Reply

    • Absolutely! Just like the “prayer” Dear Jesus, please save us from your followers?

      Comment by Steve Ruis — September 8, 2016 @ 2:58 pm | Reply


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