Class Warfare Blog

January 9, 2013

The Creationists Curriculum

John Zande over at the Superstitious Naked Ape Blog (check him out at thesuperstitiousnakedape.wordpress.com) keeps egging me on as to satisfying the desires of the Intelligent Design crowd. (IDers are anti-evolutionary biblical creationists in new clothing.) My idea was to just give them what they want, that is to teach the biblical creation story as if it were science. John asks (I paraphrase) “Just what would a science textbook which based all of biology, geology, astronomy, geography, etc. on the Christian Bible look like?”

Having written a textbook I have some expertise in this so I decided to start with the easier part . . . the answer book, you know, the book that has all of the answers to the end-of-chapter questions in the textbook. After much sweat and deliberation plus a thorough review process (insisted upon by my very tough editor) here is what I came up with.

Creationist’s Curriculum Answer Book

Biology
Chapter 1
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.
5. God did it.

Chapter 2
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.
5. God did it.
6. God did it.

Chapter 3
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.

Geology
Chapter 1
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.

Chapter 2
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.
5. God did it.
6. God did it.
7. God did it.

Astronomy
Chapter 1
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.
5. God did it.
6. God did it.
7. God did it.
8. God did it.

Chapter 2
1. God did it.
2. God did it.
3. God did it.
4. God did it.

This, of course, is just an excerpt as there isn’t room to print the entire book. Look for the textbook (coming soon).

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8 Comments »

  1. 🙂 Priceless

    Like

    Comment by john zande — January 9, 2013 @ 8:40 am | Reply

    • The Devil made me do it!

      Like

      Comment by stephenpruis — January 9, 2013 @ 8:44 am | Reply

      • That dastardly son of a bitch! Reminds me of a post i used to use over at Fox:

        Where science begins for Conservatives: God did it.
        Where science ends for Conservatives: God did it.

        Like

        Comment by john zande — January 9, 2013 @ 8:48 am | Reply

  2. This make for pretty easy crib notes. 😉

    Like

    Comment by Tomato Addict — January 9, 2013 @ 8:26 pm | Reply

  3. Question #1: 2+2=5 because ? (State the answer clearly in your own words. Use the back of this page if necessary).

    Question #2: Humans and bananas share 50% of thier DNA because ___ ___ __ . (Fill in the blanks).

    Question #3: Did God do it? TRUE TRUE (circle one)

    Like

    Comment by Tomato Addict — January 10, 2013 @ 10:02 am | Reply


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